Assorted Birth Control Stories, Continued

So, I went to the walk-in clinic to get some cyclen for little change 2. I swipe my health card at the "self check-in" kiosk and it says that, since I have never been to the clinic, I need to register with the receptionist. She is nowhere to be found. So I wait. And wait. About 5 minutes later, she appears, clearly busy with something else, and doesn't even notice me standing there. It takes a full 10 minutes and an elderly lady who has forgotten her umbrella in the exam room before I am registered, which should be an indication to me of things to come, but I sit in the waiting room and wait to be called. The 3 people that arrive immediately after me get much better service, but I get an appointment first, so whatever.

Once I am in the examination room, the receptionist/medical office assistant/nurse/I don't know her job title comes in and asks a million questions about why I am there and what kind of birth control pills and my health status in general. Quite a few of these questions are very personal, like when was your last period, etc. and she doesn't close the examining room door, so presumably all the people in the waiting room can her and me discussing it. Great. We reach a sticking point on which type of birth control I want. I say "Cyclen" and she repeats back, "Tri-Cyclen" which leads me to explain that I really truly want Cyclen and not Tri-cyclen and the differences between them, and I assume she has things under control.

The doctor comes in a little later, asks me a few more questions about my general health and when my last PAP was. He mentions that I can come to this clinic for a PAP and I can make my appointment online. This sounds fantastic to me. I love booking things online! He takes my blood pressure (which hurts a lot more than I remember) and sends me on my merry way with a prescription for:

3 months of tri-cyclen.

Unfortunately, I don't read the prescription until I get to the pharmacy, and by this point the clinic is closed and I am kind of stuck with what I got. Boo-urns.

After I get home, disappointed with my tri-cyclen, I check out the web page so I can book my PAP online and I discover that there is a consent form, which reads:

I, ___________________________, hereby give consent to having my pap smear and associated swabs and services provided by the:

___Registered Nurse

___Midwifery Student

___International Medical Graduate (Unlicensed Physician)

___Nurse Practitioner Student

___Medical Resident

who is working for the responsible physician in a delegation capacity in order to develop relevant practice experience in the office/clinic environment.

I understand that the above person is working under the supervision of Dr. _________________________, who may or may not need to repeat any or all aspects of my services as necessary.

So not only would I be getting my PAP done by someone who has potentially never done it before, I will probably have to get it done twice because the doctor will likely have to "repeat any or all aspects of my services". No thank you, I'll just find a GP and get it done all at once.

In other news, I got my hair cut yesterday so that when it falls out it isn't as long. Now I bear a very strong resemblance to Peppermint Patty. I think I have this year's Halloween costume all figured out!